Ripped Apart At The Seams//Jayden

[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she whispered softly pressing her lips against his skin and snuggling closer against his naked body. The electricity and the warmth that radiated from him made her not want to move as she slid her fingers over his chest with a sigh. ’’wake up’’ Lily spoke softly laying against him as her green eyes stared at him waiting for his light eyes to open and give her the butterfly feeling that she desperately missed.[/size][/center][/ul][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] Jayden had slept pretty damn good last night. He had slept a lot better than he normally did and that was something that he really enjoyed. He kept his eyes closed because he did not want to wake up yet. He wanted to continue sleeping for a little while. He was kind of sore but it was probably in the greatest way possible. And then he heard someone say his name and everything from last night came flooding back to him. He wanted to suck in a breath and gasp but he stopped himself as he felt a pair of lips kiss his shoulder. The boy opened an eye and then stared at the pretty faced girl in front of him. He remembered everything from last night. He could not believe that they both had let that happen. But he was glad that it happened. He did not regret it, not even in the slightest but the situation in which it happened was probably a little messed up. Besides, not that he was one to point fingers, but she was the one who instigated it. But truth be told, he would probably tell Julian that he did it all if they were ever caught. He was just much of a gentlemen, even if half of it was not his fault. He would take full responsibility, he was just that nice. “Mornin’.” he told her with a smile on his face while he stretched his muscles and he realized that he was still naked. He then felt the flutter of hope that maybe she would finally make her decision and maybe, just maybe, she would choose him. He did not want to think that she would because if she did not then he did not want to be let down, but there was something that prayed that she would pick him. He was completely and utterly in love with her. At first Jayden was not completely sure if he loved her or if it was just lust but last night confirmed everything. He was pretty much head over heels for the girl in front of him. And when she snuggled against him he subconsciously scooted as close to her as his body could get. It was probably because he knew that this was going to end a lot sooner than he wanted it to. It would probably end in a couple minutes and they’d have to go back to pretending that nothing was going on between them. He really did not want that to happen. He looked down at her once more and smiled. That was, until the guilt hit him like a bag of bricks. What was he thinking? He should have told her no, he should have stopped it before they had done anything. Instead he just had sex with his best friend’s girlfriend for a second time. What kind of friend did that? Clearly he was the friend of the year. But he could not deny the spark that was between them. He would try harder to keep this as friendly as possible now. They would enjoy their morning and then they would go back like nothing happened. It would be just another secret between them. So he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair, looking around the bus and thanking the lord above that everyone else had decided to just kindly to fuck off last night. Or maybe everyone had seen them and left because this was clearly an awkward situation. And that was when he reached over and grabbed his phone and frowning. He had forgotten about the girl that he was supposed to see. Well whoops. “Do you want coffee or something?” he asked, grabbing his boxers and sliding them on so he was no longer naked. Coffee just sounded like the best solution to whatever the fuck this situation was, so why not?

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she found herself replying smiling a little more as he cuddled closer to her. She couldn’t get over how amazing her body felt tangled up with him and how amazing he was making her feel just by being this close. Then she looked away realizing she really shouldn’t be thinking like that about someone who wasn’t her boyfriend and she let her green/ blue eyes scan their surroundings. The bus was empty which means the rest of the crew probably didn’t come home the night before or they had and they were already spilling the story to Julian which wouldn’t surprise her but it wouldnt exactly be good either.

The more she laid with Jayden the more she realized just how big of a mess she had gotten herself into. She was head over heels for two boys and that wasn’t something she wanted to brag about but she have cut herself off from Jayden after they had gone too far the first time. Because now she was not only leading Jayden on but being unfaithful to Julian and she wasn’t sure which one made her feel worst but neither one of them made her feel good. She needed to break things off with Jayden and let him go out with other girls no matter how much it would hurt her to see and she also needed to be honest with Julian before he found out from someone else he didn’t deserve everything she was putting him through.

Lily watched Jayden sit up in bed and she frowned immediately feeling cold when he moved away from her. She scanned him gently watching as he put on his boxers and she held the sheet against her body as she moved to the edge of the bed and sat pushing her tangled dark hair back. When he asked her about coffee she wrinkled her nose and reached down pulling on her on underwear then grabbing a pair of sweats and a tee from her own bed before sliding those on as well. ’I’ve never liked coffee Jayden she told him softly brushing past him and moving to the front of the bus as she tied her dark hair back with an elastic. Lily bit down on her lip as she moved into the living area her heart racing a million miles a minute. ’’We can’t do this anymore Jayden, we can’t hurt Julian. Last night was my fault I admit that but it was wrong it was a mistake’’ she whispered softly tears welling up in her eyes as she pushed her hair back and avoided his gaze.


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[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] When Lily said that she had never liked coffee he almost snorted because he had forgotten that. Jayden lived on the stuff. He usually always had a cup before he did anything else. It was like his thing. And then he would have one before lunch and then maybe one before bed, depending on what needed to be done and what he needed to do. Normally he had nothing much to do so he would drink it like a fiend. He could not even go twenty four hours without getting a craving for the caffeine that he really needed. It was a sad state of affairs if you asked him. “Yeah, I guess not. Well whatever more for me.” he said with a shrug. While his poison was brewing he went to get dressed, although he put on what he was wearing the night before. Sure, it might have been a little gross but he had nothing else to wear so sue him, it was fine. And then when his coffee was done he moved it so he could put creamer into the cup and also a shit ton of sugar. The boy liked his coffee with a ton of sugar, sue him. He would probably end up paying for that when he was older but right now he did not care. He had the container of creamer in his hand when she told him that they had to stop. He felt himself freeze in place and the creamer fell from his hand onto the counter. He knew that she was probably right, they probably had to stop before Julian found out or something but still, it was a shock that she would actually do that now. Couldn’t they enjoy the last of what happened and then go on pretending like everything was fine later? He did not turn to face her because if he did he might do something stupid like cry or get angry or something. He had no idea why he wanted to just punch a hole in the wall but he felt his hands turn into fists so he had to grip the counter to make sure that he did not do anything dumb. The thing that might have hurt him the most was her telling him that it was a mistake. That really stung because to him it was anything but that. So he let his shoulders slump and started to go back to making his cup of hot caffeine. He should not have been surprised. After a couple minutes he finally turned around and leaned against the counter before shrugging. “I should have known. If it was a mistake then why did you do it? You could have just let me go out and this would not have happened and I would not feel like the scum bag of the tour. So thanks for that.” he told her before taking a sip of his coffee. After a couple minutes of letting it sit he just gulped the whole thing and went to grab a pair of socks. He had to get away from her because the shit that was on the tip of his tongue was not nice, not even in the slightest.

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she whispered softly wiping some tears that slipped from her eyes before brushing past him and heading over to her bunk. She pulled out her suitcase and began to throw her stuff in. ’’We aren’t good for each other and this isn’t right’’ she spoke throwing clothes in as she continued to cry gently.

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[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] He wanted to scream. Jayden wanted to just go outside and scream at the top of his lungs, but instead he bit down on his bottom lip so he could get his thoughts together. Did he really think that he could get Lily to pick him? It was not like he had anything to offer her and he should have known that she would regret this. He had not meant to be kind of mean about what he said, but it had just come out as a snap. He wanted to apologize to her but instead he did not. It was because that he could think of how he wanted to say sorry without some harsh words also coming out. Jayden knew that he would not filter out the bad words but honestly could anyone blame him? He had no idea when things that had gotten so out of control but they had and there was nothing that he could do about it. Well, there probably was one thing but he really did not want to do that. So he sighed and continued to get ready to get out of the bus. He was not sure where he was going or what he was going to do but it was going to be something epic. When she started to speak he tensed him up and continued to not look at her. “Could you just not?” he asked her, wishing that she would stop talking. It was mostly because he knew that everything she had said was right. They were doing bad and sneaky shit that they should not be doing, especially with the way that people talked around here, it was dangerous. But the boy could not help himself, he really could not. But she kept on talking and it kept making him sadder, which was making him madder at once as well. He wanted to tape her mouth shut with duct tape but that would probably be a little mean, and he did not want to be mean. But seriously could she just stop? “But it happened. That’s the point of this. It happened and I don’t regret it, for the most part. But I am a scum bag. What kind of friend sleeps with his best friend’s girlfriend? The shitty kind.” he told her as he slipped on a pair of shoes. He was not even sure if they were his but hey they would work for the time being. That was when she had brushed passed him and went to her bunk. He did not want to look to see her but he could not help it so his eyes traveled over to her form which was now packing clothes. He frowned at her and walked over to her before watching her for a few seconds. Maybe she was right, maybe they were not really good for each other. But was he going to listen to that logic? No. He would not even consider that. “Maybe…maybe we could be. But do you really think leaving the tour is a good idea? Do you really want to throw away your relationship with Julian? I won’t tell him, I will pretend that everything’s fine and I can just go somewhere and you can have the perfect relationship like you’ve always wanted.[.b]” he said before grabbing her clothes and then throwing them onto her bunk. “But leaving isn’t going to help. It’s the cowards way out.” he told her while he continued to keep throwing more clothes onto her bed. He would not let her leave because he did not want to keep it in his pants, it was not fair.

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she stated grabbing the rest of her clothes before closing her suitcase so he couldn’t grab any more. ’’I’m not leaving the tour, I just don’t want to stay here and watch you hook up with other girls and I don’t want to be constantly reminded what a horrible person I am’’ she added glancing around the bus for more of her stuff.



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[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] Maybe Jayden was being a little bit rude. He probably should not have snapped on her but he could not help it. In all honesty he was just pretty pissed off at himself for letting everything get like this. He could have stopped it you know? He could have told her no or he could have just told her to go to bed, anything. Instead he was ruining his life and her life and Julian’s life. What would his family think if they ever found out? He really hoped that they never found out, he hoped that nobody found out. This was a secret that both of them had to keep to themselves. His goal was to never let anyone find out about it. If it did get out then he was in a world of trouble. But he really did not want to think about that right now. He wanted to think positive, even if there could be any positive in any of this. Right now he wanted to just focus on this situation which had turned around so fast that he could not even believe it. Maybe he was dreaming. When he first woke up he thought that they were both happy and he even felt a little sliver of hope for him but clearly that was a mistake. He clearly needed to reevaluate all the shit in his life. He was about to take all her clothes out again so she couldn’t leave when she closed her suitcase so he could not grab anything. He frowned at her and crossed his arms over his chest, wishing she would stop acting so irrational. Then he furrowed his eyebrows together. “Who said anything about me hooking up with anyone? Did you expect me to just instantly become a whore?” he asked, clearly not happy about that little insult. Okay sure, he had actually planned on going to at least see if the girl from last night was still interested but it did not mean he was going to sleep around with the entire tour. Although who knew, maybe it would be what happened. He just hated that she thought he was going to just instantly sleep with anything that had two legs, which was not his thing. “I’m insulted.” he told her before going back to the living room area, not even caring if she left now. “You don’t think that Julian is going to wonder why you’re not on the bus though? It’ll be kind of strange. But suit yourself.” he told her with a shrug of his shoulders. He did not want her to leave, he wanted her to stay on the bus but maybe she was right. Maybe they could not stay friends. And as he continued to think about it, he kept getting sadder and sadder about that fact. He did not want him to leave her now, he really did not want him to. Even if they could not be friends at least she’d be there. “I don’t want…” he could not finish as he felt a lump form in this throat. Well that was inconvenient. So he swallowed the lump and then tried that again. “I don’t want you to leave me.” he whispered, looking down for a second before looking back at her, not even sure if she heard him. “It doesn’t matter if we’re not even friends just don’t leave.” he hated how vulnerable he sounded but god damn she was his best friend besides her boyfriend didn’t that count for anything?

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she whispered softly looking away once more and pushing her dark hair back with another sigh.

She watched him as he walked to the front of the bus but she didn’t move afraid that if she followed him she would change her mind about this whole thing. Maybe she would be better off if she just broke things off with Julian and left because then at least they could still have their friendship and Julian would never have to actually find out about any of this. She heard Jayden speak and moved towards the front of the bus with a frown. He was right Julian would be suspicious but she wasn’t overly worried because well she was a pretty good liar when she had to be it was a trait she had picked up from her mother. ’’Why are you so concerned about what he would think? It doesn’t matter I can tell him I needed space or that I don’t like crowded tour busses’’ she replied shrugging. Lily was about to turn away until she heard Jayden speak once more. He sounded so sad it broke her heart into a million pieces and she watched as he looked over at her. She felt her tears slip from her eyes and down her cheeks and she listened to him. ’’Jay.. she started to whisper biting her lip as her voice cracked because of her tears. She scanned him gently before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him not caring if he pushed her away. She buried her face against his chest and started to cry harder as she held him. ’’I’m so sorry Jayden I’ve messed up everything’’



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[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] Everything about this situation was just fucked up. He had no idea why it had gotten like this but it had and there was nothing that either one of them could do about it. He felt like the worst person on the planet right now. He had no reason to do what he was doing except pure selfishness. He had no idea when he had exactly fallen for her but he had and it was starting to bite him in the ass. In fact, it was turning him into one as well. If the person he was a year ago could see the person that he was now he would probably be ashamed. And Jayden was definitely ashamed of himself. He had never even realized when he turned into a giant asshole but he was one now. There was no going back and he could not undo the past. If he could maybe he would just take back everything that had happened so he would not be so torn about everything. Not that he regretted it, he made that pretty clear but if he could take it all back then shit would not be so complicated. What he was doing was beyond sneaky. It was deceptive and just plain rude to everyone involved. But the thing was he could not stop. He was too far in now and he hated every second of it. When she had said that him being with other girls upset her he felt his eyebrow shoot straight up. Well that was interesting. And he did have to agree that she had a point about it he guessed, although he hated to admit it. But it was not like he was going around fucking everything that breathed right? That had to make up for something he figured. Although maybe it didn’t. Maybe it did not make up for anything. But still, he could not help but feel curious as to why him being with other people upset her when she was not even his and he was not hers. It did not make sense to him. “But why? Why does it upset you?” he asked, wondering if he should even ask that. It was obviously too late not since it fell out of his mouth but still. And did he really want to know the answer? If he did he might feel bad about all of this and just never leave the bus again. That sounded pretty pathetic but he was definitely considering it. He had to look away for a second when she asked about why he cared what his friend thought. He just did you know? He always cared about what his friends thought about everything and if this got out he wouldn’t have a friend anymore and the thought just pulled on his heart strings and made him nearly hyperventilate. “Because he’s my best friend and I just care what he thinks. I don’t want to hurt him okay?” he snapped, although he had not meant to do that. But he thought that it was pretty obvious as to why. And it was also pretty dumb of him to care and then to sleep with his girlfriend. That’s great friend material right there. But honestly he had never meant for anything to spiral this out of control. But it was what it was and there was nothing that he could do about it, no matter what he wanted to. And before he knew it he felt arms wrap around him and he tensed up for a second before relaxing. He had not expected her to hug him. He expected…well he had no idea what he expected but it was not what she did. “It wasn’t just you. It was me too. I let it happen.” he told her in a whisper. He really hated when she blamed herself mostly because it was his fault too. It was probably both of them but he still felt like the worst human to ever breathe. And he hated the guilt that was tearing through him all the time and the fear that someone would find out. He hated it all.

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she started but the rest of the words got caught in her throat. She swallowed taking a deep breath before closing her eyes and trying again. ’’Because I’m jealous, and I want you to myself, I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for you but I know they are way more than ones I would have for a friend.’’ she whispered gently before opening he eyes and looking at him once more.


She felt guilty at his next comment thinking she was silly for even asking such a stupid question. Of course he would care what Julian thought he was his best friend after all long before she had ever come along and probably long after she left too. ’’I’m sorry’’ was all she could muster up after he snapped at her. She pushed her hair back once more and sighed thinking she should just stop talking altogether and make things easier for everyone at least then she couldn’t fuck everything up.

As she hugged him she listened to him speak and she couldn’t help but feel helpless because of everything that had happened between the two of them. She didn’t want Jayden to blame himself and it really frustrated her when he did because in her eyes she should have never kissed him in the first place especially since she had been aware of his feelings since the beginning. ’’ It was me Jayden ok? The point is I should have left you alone, sure I was upset but I should have went home not have ran to you and I definitely shouldn’t have kissed you if I hadn’t we would be friends and this wouldn’t be a problem!’’ she stated shaking her head and keeping her arms around him.



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[JAYDEN NICHOLLS]

life tearing at the seams

[atrb=border,0,true] Things were so bad right now. And he hated that he was probably just making this worse. Well, there was no probably about it, he was definitely making it worse. He felt like a complete and utter asshole. Actually, he felt like worse than an asshole and he had no idea what that would mean but he really did not feel like a good person. He was the opposite really. He had fucked up on so many levels and this whole situation was one big cluster fuck of idiocy from his side. He would never blame her though, and he made sure to keep reminding her that it was not really her fault. It was his. And if anyone actually did find out, it was his entire fault. Everything. He did not want Lily to feel the way that he did and that was when he knew that he was just not in love but he was fucking hopelessly in love. It was all done he would never stop feeling this way for her. Great friend right? So he looked at her and sighed, wishing that this was not so fucked up. If he would have met her first things could probably be different. But he didn’t and it really sucked you know? Sometimes life just sucked that way. When he heard her reasoning he could not help but let his lips curl into a smirk. It was kind of funny to hear that she was actually jealous about him seeing other people even though they were not in any kind of relationship and technically had never been in one either. He would not mind to be honest but still. It was forbidden and he was not going to be the home wrecker guy. So he ran a hand through his hair, the smirk still on his lips as he glanced at her. “Jealous huh? That’s kind of funny considering you’re already taken by someone.” he told her with a little bit of a snap in his voice. He hoped that he had masked that over well though since he did not want to be a rude asshole anymore. But still, it was weird to hear that she actually had feelings for him that were pretty much similar to his. He never would have dreamed of that but hey, he guessed that stranger shit has happened to less deserving people right? Jayden let out a sigh as he held her close to him. It seemed like every day they were fighting about something. And to be honest it was exhausting. Jayden absolutely loathed fighting with the girl but sometimes she was just so damn frustrating that it, in turn, frustrated him as well. “I really hate it when we fight, I really do. And I don’t want you to stop being my friend. But if you have to I…I understand.” he was so tired of all of this. All the sneaking all the questions. He hated the guilty feeling and the fear that someone was going to figure it out with him just opening his mouth to say hello. Everything about this was just so exhausting he had no idea why people had affairs all the time it wore him out. “And I’m sorry if I ever made this a problem. I’ll stop flirting and I’ll leave you alone.” he did not want to say that but it probably had to be done. Maybe this really was all his fault. Maybe he caused all of this by just being him. He hated to think that way but honestly he felt like it was the god awful truth and it made him feel like a shittier person than before and he did not even think that was possible.

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[LILLIAN ASTIN]

[/b] she muttered softly trying to avoid his gaze. She hated that she was hurting him and she hated that she was having feelings for him that she wasn’t technically allowed to have but then again you couldn’t choose who you fell in love with either so she was in quite a rut meanwhile she was sure god was having a grand old time watching this whole love triangle unfold.

She kept her arms around him as she apologized wanting to memorize how it felt to have her arms around him and the feelings he gave her just by being close. Lily bit down on her lip as she buried her face against his chest hiding her tears as she took a deep breath and listened to him speak. If they both hated fighting so much then why did it always happen it seemed they were always at each others throats over something or other and it was getting really tiring. ’’I just.. I don’t know anymore Jayden I thought we could be friends but after everything that’s happened its hard to forget these feelings and I just I need to think’’ she whispered softly slowly letting go of him and taking a step back. She pushed her dark hair away from her face and scanned him gently trying to collect her thoughts and her feelings. Right now she needed some air and some space to figure out exactly what she was going to do with him and Julian.

When Jayden said he would leave her alone her heart broke a little and she looked down at her shoes. That was what she wanted wasn’t it? To be left alone and forget that this whole thing had ever happened, so why couldn’t she just say that and move on? ’’I just god I don’t know I need air Jayden ok? Lets just take some space and think about everything’’ she muttered gently shoving past him before sliding on her shoes and heading for the door. ‘’’’I’ll see you around’’ she shouted back heading quickly off the bus to collect her thoughts.
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